Originally posted 2023-12-30 17:55:19.

“My Son Only Prays Because He Fears Me” — A Message to Concerned Parents

• “My son does not pray except because he fears me.”

• “If I did not remind him of the prayer time, he would let it pass.”

• “My son only prays to silence my yelling. Can you imagine that he doesn’t even perform ablution before praying?”

Dear parent,
If you find yourself among those saying such words, I invite you—sincerely and from the depth of my heart—to reflect on what I share here. Perhaps within these words, gathered from experts in parenting and Islamic education, you may find inspiration and tools to lay a firm and loving foundation in your precious child—the one you hope will grow into a devout and responsible Muslim.

---

Before We Begin

Let us take as our guiding motto the words of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him):

“Command your children to pray at the age of seven, and beat them for it at the age of ten (if they do not pray).”
(Sahih – Graded by Al-Albani)

This hadith is not a call to harshness, but rather a structured, phased approach to building prayer habits with love, discipline, and purpose.

---

Why Seven Years Old in Particular?

The age of seven is significant for many reasons:

• A child’s mental and emotional horizons expand at this age.

• They are more receptive to learning essential life skills.

• Most importantly, they deeply admire and seek to please their parents, often eager for praise and recognition.

• At this stage, they enjoy imitating adults and may naturally be drawn to going to the mosque and performing acts of worship.

By contrast, older children—especially those reaching puberty—may resist parental guidance as a way of asserting independence. Therefore, seven is the optimal age to begin nurturing the love of prayer before this resistance sets in.

---

Overcoming the Obstacles to Teaching Prayer

Let us work together to overcome common barriers, such as:

• Misunderstanding abstract terms like “obligatory”:
  Children may not grasp what “fard” (obligatory) means. Use simple language, such as:
  “Prayer is something Allah wants us to do every day. When we hear the adhan, it means it’s time to talk to Allah.”

• Lack of internal motivation:
  Your child may pray simply because you told them to—not out of personal conviction. That’s okay at first. With the right encouragement, love will replace obligation.

• Inconsistent prayer habits:
  Especially with Fajr or praying without reminders. This will take time. Be patient and consistent.

• Neglecting wudu’:
  Teach it gently. Praise effort, correct mistakes with kindness, and never ridicule.

---

Step by Step: Don’t Rush the Process

Start with purification. Prayer begins with wudu’, both outward and inward. Teach them the beauty and reward of ablution. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“When a Muslim performs wudu’, his sins are washed away from his eyes, ears, hands, and feet. When he finishes and sits, he is forgiven.”
(Sahih – Al-Albani)

Let your child watch you perform wudu’. Then have them try. Reward success with small gifts or praise. If they err, correct gently—never scold.

This is how the Companions taught their students: through example, repetition, and kindness.

---

Teach Through Representation

After mastering wudu’, begin to teach prayer itself—not by lecture, but by demonstration.

Let your child see you praying with khushu` (focus and humility). Young children learn by watching more than by hearing. When they begin to pray, even imperfectly, praise their effort.

At seven, they are ready for more structured instruction: learning the pillars (arkān) of the prayer, the postures, and the words. When they complete their first full prayer correctly, celebrate it! Make prayer a positive experience associated with love and reward.

As they reach ten years of age, discipline and expectations may gradually increase. If they are negligent:

1. Reprove gently,

2. Warn with seriousness,

3. Use stricter rebuke if necessary,

4. Only resort to physical discipline (light and symbolic) as a last resort—and only with wisdom, love, and fairness, never anger.

---

Planting the Seeds of Love for Prayer

Let us inspire our children by:

• Giving them a special prayer outfit (for girls), or

• A personal prayer mat (for boys).

• Letting them lead the prayer occasionally at home (if appropriate).

• Offering small rewards for consistency and improvement.

And most importantly, make prayer a moment of joy, peace, and connection. Show them that prayer is where we speak to the One who loves us most. As they grow, let them see that it is not fear that motivates us—but love, awe, and longing.

---

In Conclusion

Dear parents,
You are not just raising children—you are planting believers. With patience, tenderness, structure, and example, you can nurture a deep and lasting love for prayer in your child’s heart.

May Allah guide and help all of us in raising righteous, God-conscious generations.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             To be continued…

______________________

Source:  Islamweb.net.